What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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