You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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