He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
