Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
