You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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