I could make wine with my vomit
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
