mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
