it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
