i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
