Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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