I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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