hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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