Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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