I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
