Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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