On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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