highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
