Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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