literally had 100 drinks last night.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
