I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
