Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
