Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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