I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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