Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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