I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
