i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
