wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
