i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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