I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
