It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
my liver is dry heaving
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
