May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
