Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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