i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
