Swine flu. Run for my life!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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