$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Your dad touched me again.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
