His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
