Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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