i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
