you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
