I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
