I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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