Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
