please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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