Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
