so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Where did you get a picture of my penis
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
