Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
