Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
