it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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