from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
