Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
