you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
