like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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