My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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