is your mom at the bar?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
